When I first began my yoga journey there was something that kept calling me back. It was like a love affair where I kept falling in and out of love with what it presented me with. I've been frustrated over the years when I've retreated from the practice as I couldn't understand how something that I enjoy so much suddenly becomes hard to do. And I'm talking about actually going to classes or getting on the mat. A huge resistance appeared. I didn't understand it. Then recently I was sharing my frustration/experience on Instagram and in response I was tagged in this this quote by Jack Kornfield 'For almost everyone who practices, cycles of awakening and openness are followed by periods of fear and contraction'.
Hallelujah, yes of course! Finally it all makes sense and I totally feel that's what has been happening. Phew.
Back to my resistance, I really had to battle with it to make it to a class, other times I gave into it enjoying lazy moments on my sofa or socialising with friends. More often than not my social life won. Back in the day anyway.
Eventually I trained to become a teacher and the resistance still continued despite me knowing yoga was unravelling something special.
Nearly 20 years on, I've had a few moments of really 'getting it' and on some level I know I'm diving deeper into the true self.
However, on this retreat something really powerful has happened. I've had the deepest connection and awakening I've experienced so far. I am glimpsing that expanse of bliss that is inside each of us. I've fallen in love with what's inside and it's limitless.
Suddenly the Rumi poetry I've been reading for years has a deeper meaning, I get what it means to feel that one breath, that deep sense of being part of everything. I know that when I dip into the sutras again I will unfold another message from them.
In terms of the physical world everything seems more vibrant, more alive, a sparkle around it all.
I remember walking out of my first class knowing id found something special but I could never put my finger on exactly why. Yes my body felt better but now I know how to out that feeling in words, the practice gives me a sense of connection way beyond words.
"You are not a drop in the ocean. You are the entire ocean in a drop." Rumi